Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
