I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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