I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
