You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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