oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
