Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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