I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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