Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
