Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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