??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
