those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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