The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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