put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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