the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
