i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
