When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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