Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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