Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
