go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
