If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
