I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
