She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
