you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize