She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
