If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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