It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize