She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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