It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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