It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
