his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
