everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
