I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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