Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
