My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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