Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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