the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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