They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
