my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
