I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
