how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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