He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
