I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
