hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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