No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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