My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He did a backflip because drugs
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