I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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