can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
