just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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