Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
