end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Too much gin, very little bucket
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
