I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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