My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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