Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
