my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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