I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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