Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.