This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!