Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.