i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is my gift to your gina
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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